10 months, 1 week & 3 days into Daddyhood

Sometimes you can get so caught up in the minutiae of it all that you lose sight of the bigger picture.

I had this thought yesterday, whilst mowing the lawn (I often get very thoughtful during these times). It is, perhaps, more poignant today – more important to remember – after a night in which our darling daughter decided to wake at 00:45 and not go back to sleep again until 3:55. And this after I was feeling pretty crappy/ fluey/ headachey anyway. The joy of parenthood!

But why is it that after a horrible, painful, sleepless night, I always end up feeling guilty? Guilty at feeling frustrated, annoyed, impatient, infuriated – I mean what the heck was wrong with her, that after Jo fed her twice, we gave her cuddles, head-strokes and tried a bit of “controlled crying,” she only finally went back to sleep after a third feed from Jo? But she’s only a baby, she can’t help it. Well maybe she can to an extent – maybe, at 10.5 months of age, there is some intent, some “playing us up,” that kind of thing… but… well… she is only a baby.

So back to the “bigger picture”…

Last night was pretty crappy. Whichever way you look at it. To everyone concerned (although after a bit of catchy-uppy sleep later, Talise will probably be back to normal and giggling and smiling and playing and causing joyous havoc like all is right with the world). At less than a year into it, parenthood is an emotional rollercoaster (apologies for the cliché, but it fits). It hurts at times – a lot. Physically, mentally, emotionally. But… when I’m mowing the lawn or whatever… I do try, whenever possible, to take a step back and think about the magnitude – the miraculous, glorious magnitude – of it all…

We created a life! A beautiful life! She is of us, with us, a conjoining of our DNA, our love, the branches of our hitherto separate family trees, now forever connected… she is our Talise! She is marvellous, miraculous, magnificent! Remember this…

Remember this always… 🙂

Advertisements