Hooray for CBeebies!

11 months, 1 week & 1 day into Daddyhood

Far from finding children’s TV the necessary evil/tolerable annoyance that, pre-parenthood, I thought it might be… I am (dare I say it) enjoying it!

Take, for example, In the Night Garden (which I believe I have mentioned elsewhere on this blog)… what’s not to like? It’s funny, positive, has nice music, rhymes/song you can learn and recite/sing with/to your little ones, it’s in a beautiful natural setting, and it’s great for keeping aforementioned little ones calm and still whilst changing them, dressing them, etc.

Similarly re Teletubbies, The Tweenies, Charlie and Lola and my/Talise’s new discovery, Waybuloo – which features yoga, spiritual (ish) themes, lovely tinkly music and more natural settings!

She’s not that fond of Pingu, though…

Beauty

11 months, 1 week & 1 day into Daddyhood

Nature’s purpose is not beauty. And yet it is the epitome of such. How so? Is the height of beauty that which tries least to be beautiful? Then what of human beauty? What of created beauty? What of art? Art does not always try to be beautiful, at least not aesthetically so, but… is art which seeks to emulate nature the most beautiful? Is my child beautiful because she is unaware of her beauty…?

More on Parental Guilt…

10 months, 2 weeks & 2 days into Daddyhood

At 3:30 am… she wakes… she has a feed off her mum… I put her back to bed, but she doesn’t want to sleep…

She cries… she is too hot… I strip her down to her vest… give her a drink… she settles a little…

Then I go to stroke her head… say, shhh… speak softly and quietly… time for sleep now, sweetie… and such things…

But now she is lively!

She wants to play!

I go to stroke her head, but…

She grabs my hand! Gurgles at it, gives me that winning smile, chuckles and says, “Daddy!”…

But I continue to try to stroke her head… say, shhh… speak softly and quietly… time for sleep now, sweetie… and such things…

Smile and hold her hands…

My back starts to hurt from half-kneeling by the side of the cot…

She won’t settle!

I change her…

Try settling her again…

She wants to play again…

Mummy feeds her again…

She won’t settle again… we leave her to cry… and cry…

Until I relent at 5:35… get up… take her downstairs… cuddle her… stroke her… but she continues to whimper and cry…

I take her back upstairs at 5:55… hold her hands for a few minutes… she finally slips off to sleep…

And wakes forty minutes later!

I look at her… she looks at me… I feed her banana… give her a drink… (I’m so tired)… I give her Blonde Dolly to play with… she gurgles and chuckles at Blonde Dolly… I smile at her… she smiles at me… she seems to see my tiredness – my premonition of an exhausting day at work – and she seems to feel some baby-ish version of remorse… if she could say sorry, she looks like maybe she would… but ultimately she just wants to play…

Mummy and Daddy are so tired and not happy… and we tried being firm, tried showing her that we are the parents… but she just wanted to smile and play and giggle and gurgle and…

I feel so guilty at making her cry, lying her in her cot, telling her to go to sleep, when all she wanted to do was laugh and smile and play!

I know I shouldn’t feel guilty…

I know it’s all just part of the process of parenting – setting guidelines and all that palaver…

But when I look at her, desperate for a couple more hours kip, and she just gives me that winning smile and I walk away and she cries…

Guilt squared!

Parental Perspective

10 months, 1 week & 3 days into Daddyhood

Sometimes you can get so caught up in the minutiae of it all that you lose sight of the bigger picture.

I had this thought yesterday, whilst mowing the lawn (I often get very thoughtful during these times). It is, perhaps, more poignant today – more important to remember – after a night in which our darling daughter decided to wake at 00:45 and not go back to sleep again until 3:55. And this after I was feeling pretty crappy/ fluey/ headachey anyway. The joy of parenthood!

But why is it that after a horrible, painful, sleepless night, I always end up feeling guilty? Guilty at feeling frustrated, annoyed, impatient, infuriated – I mean what the heck was wrong with her, that after Jo fed her twice, we gave her cuddles, head-strokes and tried a bit of “controlled crying,” she only finally went back to sleep after a third feed from Jo? But she’s only a baby, she can’t help it. Well maybe she can to an extent – maybe, at 10.5 months of age, there is some intent, some “playing us up,” that kind of thing… but… well… she is only a baby.

So back to the “bigger picture”…

Last night was pretty crappy. Whichever way you look at it. To everyone concerned (although after a bit of catchy-uppy sleep later, Talise will probably be back to normal and giggling and smiling and playing and causing joyous havoc like all is right with the world). At less than a year into it, parenthood is an emotional rollercoaster (apologies for the cliché, but it fits). It hurts at times – a lot. Physically, mentally, emotionally. But… when I’m mowing the lawn or whatever… I do try, whenever possible, to take a step back and think about the magnitude – the miraculous, glorious magnitude – of it all…

We created a life! A beautiful life! She is of us, with us, a conjoining of our DNA, our love, the branches of our hitherto separate family trees, now forever connected… she is our Talise! She is marvellous, miraculous, magnificent! Remember this…

Remember this always…

My Clever Little Girl!

9 months, 4 weeks & 1 day into Daddyhood

Two things…

1. She seems to be starting colour-association! Most mornings we give her a banana for breakfast (of which she might eat about a third, given that it is directly following her first booby-feed of the day, but she does so enjoy watching me peel it, then bashing two bits together, while I and/or Jo say “Banana!” or “’Nana!” and she (if she feels like it that day) also says “’Nana!”)… then recently when we walked through a field full of yellow crops (of some sort), she continually and repeatedly said “’Nana!”… and it only occurred to Jo a couple of days later that she was probably associated the yellow of the crops with the yellow of a banana! We have also since passed a couple of other yellow (or “’nana-coloured”) things before her, which have elicited a similar response, but we are yet to conduct a more conclusive experiment regarding such.

2. She seems to be recognising similarities! – i.e. when two things are the same or very similar (e.g. two bits of a banana – see above), she will bash them together! Yesterday she did it with two broccoli florets… She has also done it with stacking rings and maracas…

My clever little girl!

She…

9 months, 3 weeks & 1 day into Daddyhood

…has started dragging herself into a sitting position in the middle of the night, then crying most pitifully, because she can’t then figure out how to lie down again, until one of us goes in and finds her sitting, with a most pitiful look on her face, in the corner of her cot… thus instantly dissolving the feelings of exhaustion-induced frustration and replacing them with guilt… until she does it again!

* * *

…but thankfully last night was a sleep-through night!

When…

9 months, 3 weeks & 1 day into Daddyhood

…do you stop taking a step back from reality and saying…

My God, I’m a dad!

…?

The Night Garden Revisited

9 months, 1 week & 4 days into Daddyhood

My daughter and I have rediscovered In the Night Garden! Which is to say that I used to watch it with her whilst getting her ready for bed, but then “we” went off it (i.e. I realised that I was probably enjoying it more than her, and being quite a long programme for little’uns (half an hour), I didn’t want to be accused (by my other half or whoever) of forcing her to watch it)… and we stopped watching it for a while. That was a few months ago. Now, at nearly nine-and-a-half months old, Talise seems to “get” it more!

I discovered this on Sunday evening. Twas on the same day that, in the morning, we all went to a carboot sale, I spotted a set of small In the Night Garden books, didn’t buy ‘em, because I only wanted the Makka Pakka one, and the man wouldn’t split the set – even when he reduced the price of the set from £1 to 50p (I still have some niggling regrets about this decision)… but when I left the carboot, a seed had been sown, and at five-to-six that evening, when I was changing her and wanting to keep her quiet and, more pertinently, still (the necessity for “stillness” being something fellow parents of nine-month-olds will understand in this context), I thought, let’s just see what’s on the box, so I did, and wouldn’t you know it? In the Night Garden was about to start! So it did… and I did the changing of the nappy… but I thought, after an appropriate amount of cleaning was achieved, that it would be nice for her to just lie there for a bit, all bare-skinned, in the warmth of the fire, and watch a bit of telly… and how she loved it!

She giggled at Upsy Daisy!

She babbled to the Tombliboo’s!

She got excited when it seemed that, finally, the Pontipines would catch the Ninky Nonk!

 

And when it was all over, she rolled over and gave me that look of… what shall we do next, dad?

I am sure that clever little girl of mine understands far more than she is letting on…

Happy 9 Month Birthday to my Tally-Wally!

Is it Appropriate for a Man to be Militant about Breastfeeding?

 9 months into Daddyhood

Perhaps “Militant” is not an entirely appropriate term. However… the more I discover (which interprets as, “the more info Jo puts my way…”), the more strongly I feel about this issue. But let me firstly get one thing clear…

My issue is not with parents who choose to bottle-feed their babies!

Well, not entirely. Or not centrally. Applying a benefit of the doubt approach, I will start from the premise that no one makes such a decision lightly, and that the issue is with The System – primarily the ABM (Artificial Baby Milk) manufacturers and the sections of the medical profession who promote the use of formula, or at least who don’t promote the health benefits of breastfeeding enough. Now this blog entry is not going to be full of references and links and what-have-you, so don’t expect a highly literate, academic-type piece… see this as pretty much a splurge of my feelings on the matter, based on bits and pieces I have read, mine/Jo’s personal experience and so on. So…

Splurging away…!

POINT#1: human breast milk gives a baby, at least up until the age of 6 months, all the nutrients they need. All the nutrients. So why do some medical professionals and other self-proclaimed “experts” persist in “suggesting” that if a baby is not sleeping as much as he might be, he might be hungry (needing formula, baby rice, etc, “top-ups”), or he may be thirsty, requiring extra drinks of water? A breastfed baby needs nothing but breast milk!

POINT#2: also in relation to the above, why is it “suggested” that all babies, including breastfed ones, might need vitamin supplements? Human breast milk has all the vitamins a baby needs!

POINT#3: regardless of whether or not a mother chooses, for practical reasons, to feed her baby formula (from birth or later, partially or 100%, or whatever), why is society and the medical profession so afraid to tell the truth that breast milk is substantially healthier than formula – and that, in fact, feeding your baby formula can actually be potentially dangerous, leading to a higher likelihood of various illnesses and ailments…? Breastfeeding is not a “lifestyle choice”! It is giving your baby the best possible start in life!

POINT#4: the general conception is (it certainly was for me, pre-baby) that society (at least Modern Western Society) is far more liberal and accepting of breastfeeding than in previous generations. My present conception is… that this is not the case! It has only just been made illegal in the UK for cafés, restaurants, etc, to ask that a woman does not breastfeed on the premises. It is still seen as “a bit weird” and “hippy-ish.” My baby’s mother is a confident, outgoing person, but she still often has to make a conscious effort to not “feel funny” or “watched” when breastfeeding in public. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, and it is one of the most loving and caring thing you can do for your baby!

POINT#5: why are ABM manufacturers not forced to put highly visible and honest health warnings on their products? In a democratic society, it is our right to make choices, but it is our right to make informed choices!

I could go on… but I’m still not sure how appropriate it is for a man to be “militant” about breastfeeding…